


better left unsaid

by limit_breaker



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alcohol, Drunken Confessions, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, intimacy issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 22:53:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8304283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limit_breaker/pseuds/limit_breaker
Summary: When Kylo Ren and General Hux have a bit too much to drink, certain things get brought up that neither are prepared to deal with.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote a quick drunk!fic because the other fic idea I had just wasn't working out at all. This one also turned into something I hadn't anticipated but oh well, posting anyway!

==

“Hux. Hux.” Kylo breathed, half slurred and all desperate against the bare skin of Hux's shoulder. He was too tired to keep his eyes open, but his mouth apparently hadn't found the same exhaustion yet.  
  
“What, Ren? For fuck's sake, I'm trying to sleep.”  
  
“I'm drunk.”  
  
“I know.” Hux was starting to regret offering his bed. It was proof of the state of his own inebriation that he had in the first place, and a testament to Kylo's that he'd accepted. It wasn't the first time he'd had Ren in his bed, not by a long shot, but the first time he'd been here for longer than the time it took to fuck one out, redress, and leave.

“How come you're not drunk, too? You had just as much as me, and you're fucking tiny!”

Showing an impressive amount of restraint, Hux chose not to comment on the last remark, instead opting with a response he often found himself giving Ren, regardless of the circumstances, “because unlike you, I practice something called self-control.”

“I know, and I fucking love it. Hux, I fucking love how in control you are.” Hux could tell Ren was that obnoxious combination of drunk and horny, his arousal alternating between poking into him shamelessly, then wilting all too soon for any activities tonight. “So controlling." Hux wished halfheartedly that they hadn't gotten quite so plastered at the Officer's gala that night, his own dick aching to find a release that would simply not be possible at this stage. If he could only just sleep off some of this intoxication, maybe they could wake in the morning and screw away their impending hangovers, but right now what he wanted most was rest. Perhaps he should have tried to make that clear.

“Hux.”  
  
“WHAT!”  
  
Kylo squeezed Hux closer to him. “I just... I really like you, OK.”  
  
Hux took a moment to swallow back a response that he would regret tomorrow, knowing the man lazily draped over him was drunk beyond sense, murmuring whatever half-formed ideas popped into that fucked-over brain of his. “Okay, Ren.”  
  
“No, Hux, I'm serious. I really do.” Kylo whined, shaking him slightly, Hux's slight frame easily moved by Kylo's unchecked strength.  
  
_'don't be cruel'_ Hux wanted to say. _'you're drunk'_ he wanted to say. _'Kylo, I feel the same'_ he wanted to say. “Okay, Ren.” is what he repeated instead.  
  
“Hux! Please! I'm trying to tell you!”  
  
“I heard you the first time!!”  
  
“But I mean it now,” he said, slurring into Hux's ear and grinding up against his side. “Hux.”  
  
“What!!!”  
  
“Can I tell you something?”

“Ren, I swear...”

“I think I love you.”

“Ren!” It was too much, Hux wanted to throw him out right then and there, to end this nonsense before he was tempted or tricked into an undignified confession of his own. They fucked. That was all this was. It couldn't be anything more. It couldn't. Neither of them were that type of person, Hux with a ship to command, Ren with... whatever he did all day, Hux didn't even know.

But it made his chest ache to think Ren would do this to him, knowing the idiot had slipped into his head, easily thanks to his alcohol-induced vulnerability, to find the perfect fodder for this present torture. Him playing at something more now that he'd gotten Hux to let down his guard was a specific kind of cruelty only Ren could come up with, Hux was sure.

“I'm sorry,” Kylo sniffed. Hux felt hot tears hit his shoulder where Ren had tried to bury his face. “I just... thought you should know. I'm sorry I got so drunk. Can't even get it up for you.”

“It's...” Hux swallowed back a strange bubble of emotion threatening to well up inside himself. He almost let himself believe that Ren was being earnest. But Ren was drunk. It didn't matter anyway, Hux didn't need Ren. The fact that he wanted him, badly, was irrelevant, save only for the fact that Ren now apparently knew and was planning to use this knowledge against him. “It's fine. Go to sleep, Ren.” He wouldn't indulge in this game.

Kylo nodded emphatically, his arm still thrown over Hux's torso, his giant leg kicked over Hux's. He mumbled something into Hux's shoulder again and finally, fucking finally, drifted off, Hux following him into unconsciousness soon after.

A few hours later, Hux woke to the loud rumbling of Kylo's snoring, right in his ear. The lights were still on at 10% and Kylo was still here. Hux's stomach felt knotted. His mouth was dry, his eyes raw, head pounding already, but with the weight of Kylo Ren still resting comfortably atop him, he couldn't bring himself to move. He cursed his own weakness.

This idiot. Even asleep Ren looked troubled, and how Hux secretly wanted to be able to change that, nonsense notwithstanding. He reached up with his unpinned hand and ran his fingers through the knight's hair, brushing the sweaty locks from his forehead to reveal that mismatched, sorrowful face he'd come to ...appreciate. Unable to help himself in his current state, he craned his neck to press his lips to Kylo's forehead. He longed to kiss him awake and offer him to stay here every night, as long as he wanted to, if only he'd never mention again what he'd mentioned last night.

He wished he could just give in and trust everything Kylo had drunkenly slurred into his shoulder earlier; moreover, he wished it were true, but it simply wasn't. It didn't make sense. That's not the way people operated, Hux knew. People didn't just go around confessing their love for the sake of truth; they did it when it would put them at an advantage, when there was something to gain. And Hux knew there was nothing left in him for someone to love, it had long been worked out of him to prevent this exact sort of disadvantage that he'd found himself in.

Ren had simply tapped into his mind when his inhibitions and mental defenses were lowered to drag out Hux's greatest shame and taunt him with it. This was all some big game to Ren, who would wake up and go back to hiding behind that stupid mask, undermining and insulting him at every turn just because he could, because he knew Hux's fury translated into a better fuck later. That's all this was. And that was fine. Really. Ren indulged him in this. It didn't matter that he meant nothing to him, he only wished that Ren wouldn't continue to ridicule and belittle him for it now that he knew. But wasn't cruelty what Ren was known for? And wasn't the same said for Hux?

When Kylo's eyebrows twitched, almost as if recognizing Hux's thoughts, Hux snapped his eyes shut again and feigned sleep until it came back for him.

 

 

Kylo awoke hours later, still draped over Hux like an oversized blanket. It took him a minute to process what had happened, where he was. The gala. The drinks. The continued drinks. Nearly tripping over his own robes on the way out, Hux's steady hand on his shoulder, Hux's whiskey breath in his ear, _“Come, stay with me tonight. Please.”_ His own overwhelming gratitude pouring freely from him, hardly managing to to reign it in before accepting.

Hux had invited him here, had let him sleep in his bed, was still passed out beneath him now, mouth open and drooling slightly onto his pillow, hair a wreck. They hadn't even had sex. He'd been in Hux's bed, not fucking, and was still here, Force-knows how many hours later.

A flash of white-hot panic ran through him. He'd told Hux that he liked him. Confessed that he _loved_ him. Fuck. What had Hux said? What had he said? It was all a drunken blur. He'd said nothing, probably. “Fuck you,” probably. “Shut up,” probably. “How distasteful,” probably. Maybe he'd laughed. Kylo remembered crying, suddenly. He'd confessed his feelings and then cried. Surely that wasn't a good omen. Hux only let him stay here out of pity, and maybe the hope that they'd fuck again in the morning. Kylo didn't need pity. Nor did he need a sympathy fuck.

He felt sick, from more than just last night's alcohol overindulgence. Anxiety coursed its way through his veins, hollowing his chest. He needed to go. He withdrew his arm from Hux's shoulders, pushed himself away from Hux's sleeping body. He stood and waited for the room to stop swaying before bending to recollect his robes and items. Once redressed, he looked back at Hux still asleep on the bed, his nearly-naked frame now curled in on itself, shivering from the loss of Kylo's body heat.

He walked back towards him slowly, quietly, and leaned across the bed to push a stray lock of hair from Hux's temple. He briefly considered kissing him, lips twitching with want. But then Hux's eyes blinked awake lethargically, bloodshot and disoriented, finding Kylo's. Swallowing, Kylo set his jaw and pressed his fingers solidly against the side of Hux's head. Hux's eyes rolled back and he slipped unconscious again. It hurt, using the Force while hungover, but he was glad his powers had returned from the greatly reduced functionality of inebriation. He dug, dug for those memories of last night in Hux's head, the drinks, the continued drinks, the hand on Kylo's shoulder as he stumbled out of the gala, the fervent kissing they'd done just beyond Hux's locked door, was that the first time they'd done that?, the scramble to half-undress before collapsing on the bed, Kylo gracelessly rutting up against him in bed, slurring his drunken nonsense. Nonsense. Nonsense. Hux had been shocked, then angry. That wasn't good. Frantically, blinded by his own panic, Kylo began ripping these memories from him. He wouldn't be laughed at. He wouldn't let Hux hold this over him. Didn't want Hux to be angry with him. If he ever wanted to come back here again, Hux couldn't know. He erased those blurry memories and quickly took his leave, not looking back.

 

 

When Hux awoke again, he was alone. It didn't surprise him, he'd clearly gotten too drunk at the gala and seen himself to his quarters, somehow managing to get into a state of near-undress before slipping into bed. His head hurt, worse than normal. Perhaps he was getting too old for nights like that. It was certainly less dignified than his position called for in any case. He'd resolve to be more careful next time. Hah. All of that drink and he still hadn't worked up the nerve to ask Ren to please come stay with him, just once anyway. Pathetic. Probably for the best. Maybe he'd comm him later to see about a quick shag, that was easy enough. That was close enough.

He stood, rubbing his head and making his way into the refresher, trying to piece together the fragmented bits of the night before. To his discomforted horror, he found it mostly a blank slate of missing scenes and the vaguest sense that something was off. Perhaps that first drink had been spiked, he really remembered nothing beyond it and waking up this morning. Except.

One lone disjointed memory in the sea of unknown: the silk curls of Ren's hair between his fingers-- how could he know that texture so vividly, so softly, when he'd only ever touched Ren's hair to drag him onto the bed or force him onto his knees? A second, also incongruent memory followed: Ren's slightly damp, soft skin on his lips, then being lulled back to sleep by a quiet murmur and a tightened squeeze from the body blanketing him. When had that ever happened? The details were remarkably solid for being a simple dream. He must have drank something wrong, something that caused him to black out and dream about the things he would hardly allow himself to admit he longed for. He splashed his face with icy water from the tap and resolved to never drink again.

If only resolving to rid himself of his want of Ren were as easy.

 

==


End file.
